Ummm yeah, this is awkward, I know we were in love, but if you could just go now that would be great.
It all began with a Facebook PM as so many good, brief romantic flings do. “Thought you might be interested…” and a link to a car for sale. She was hideous. Bright orange. The worlds dodgiest nudge bar. Cheesy GT stripes – hand painted no less. And $4,000! Ridiculous. I was smitten.
I drove the 300kms for our first blind date. It belonged to a policeman and so for some silly reason I assumed everything he said was legit. I am not very smart at times. Have you ever been on a date where there was no chemistry and realistically it didn’t have a future but you could see one or two good elements so you left it open to fate to see how it would turn out? Yeah sure, me neither… but that was the case here.
The ute was hideous on every level. Some muppet had spray painted the door trim black and the roll bar in the tray was barely bolted in. But I liked the rims and thought they would look good on another ute I had bought and it had power steering which would be handy in the other ute. Those were the ONLY redeeming features. So I drove away and left it to fate.
The next time I drove through town it was no longer parked beside the road and I assumed it was sold. Fate had played a hand and I had missed out.
Months later as I cruised through town I learned that the orange beast was still for sale although now it had a huge dent in the passenger door courtesy of a kangaroo. I call bullshit on the “roo into the door” story but he is a cop so I let him have it. I was the proud owner of a bright orange ute. I named her the Oompa Loompa.
The drive home was atrocious. The UHF radio didn’t work. The stereo didn’t work. The windows didn’t work. Every time I reached 2000 RPM it jumped out of gear. It chewed through 70 litres of fuel in 300kms.
I was waking up after a terrible one night stand. I had wet patch remorse. I quickly parked it in the shed hoping none of the locals saw it so I could avoid the dreaded “walk of shame”. For 3 months it was parked in my yard like an ugly step child.
I will admit that I am an all or nothing kind of person. If I am in love then I am completely committed and smitten. For me falling in love is an instant thing. I see a car for sale and I am head over heels. Then as if a switch has been flicked I am just as quickly out of love.
People find this weird and seem to question how I can be willing to part with something that I had only moments earlier declared my love for. So when I posted the Oompa Loompa for sale on my Facebook profile the inbox flooded with messages of concern… ‘are you that broke?’ ‘are you ok?’ ‘how can you sell your baby?’ Let me be clear here. I only have one baby and for the right price the Chev is for sale too.
Within minutes of posting up my ad I was inundated by offers for the Fanta coloured rocket. Here was a car with nothing mechanically redeeming but oozing personality from every one of it’s poorly hung panels. Folk wanted it. They wanted it bad.
Tomorrow morning the buyer will be here. The switch has been flicked. There is no emotion left just an anxiety that they won’t drive it away and I will still have it parked outside my bathroom tomorrow afternoon. Like an awkward one night stand I want it to go away to it’s new home before my next true love arrives.